PRESS PLAY =D
At the end of this summer…early fall, things are going to be pretty hectic, stressful, and all around severely decisive for me. As a libra, this is not good.
Nor is it bad. It’s just what is needed for continued growth.
I knew turning thirty would be a milestone but I never could have anticipated that it would turn out to be THIS important. I always thought it would just be the next “big number” like 10…13….18…21…25. But all of those pale in comparison to what lies ahead in a few short months.
A lot of people expected something to happen…but was anyone prepared for a DAP?
Is it a hoax? will it make a difference? will it cause more serious problems in the long term? is this country ready? the world?
All i know is that I am ready….and willing…to give it a shot because it’s the closest I’ll ever get to the opportunity to make myself completely self-sufficient in all areas of my life.
I’ve got a lot of dormant thoughts, ideas, and plans that need this to happen and act as a catalyst so that they can once again flourish…but not just in my mind this time, they need to be given a chance to be a part of reality. To have a chance to not only make a difference in the world…but help the world simultaneously.
I no longer fear failure as I once did in my early twenties. I no longer fear falling down…or getting hurt…or not getting what I want most (only as long as it happens on my terms).
A lot has happened in the last few years….and even more has happened just this year alone and we’re barely halfway through the year.
It’s been an emotional mindfuck to say the least but I’ve endured simply because it was the only option…there was no giving up, not this time.
Sitting here, at my job, which I used to love and appreciate…but now I’ve come to despise, it’s never been more obvious to me that the things I’ve seen have been shown to me for a reason.
And by things I’ve seen….I mean more than just premonitions, random thoughts, and daydreams. I mean actual events and occurrences that I’ve witnessed throughout my twenty-nine years in this life.
Everything that my loved ones have been through, everything my friends and their families have been through, everything my Mother has been through(God knows that she’s had it rough from a young age), everything I’ve been through, and everything we have been through….has been grueling to say the least.
Despite the overwhelming amount of failures, mishaps, and all around terrible events that have occurred throughout our lives…despite all the losses we have grieved over…despite it all…we’re still breathing, living, learning, and inching closer together to get to a point where we’re not only happy…we’re content and fulfilled with what life has given us.
Will we ever have an extended period without worry? without conflict? without pain? without loss? without grief?
I doubt it….and quite frankly…I’m alright with never having that because deep down we all know that it is necessary even if we can’t see it that way this very moment or any moment in which we’re deeply damaged.
I don’t know why that dog attacked my Mom as brutally as it did…just like I don’t know why it didn’t kill her given her size in comparison to the beast. But I’m eternally grateful for the angels that walked with my lovely mother that fateful night and equally grateful for the divine intervention that allowed her to rehabilitate in record time at her age so that she may get up on her feet again and face the world, headstrong, as bold as she did every day throughout her life.
And while she’s still wrestling with a lot, I can’t help but see that she’s got a ways to go before she’s ever fully back to normal…and I also have to realize, and come to terms with the fact, that she may never be the same woman again because something like that shakes you to your core and changes your being.
I know it changed mine seeing her in that hospital bed, looking at me for the strength that she once supplied for the both of us through our times of hardship. It was now my turn to display the strength that she needed to see so that she could find the will to survive both the physical and the mental pain of what happened.
You never know if you’re ready for something until it happens.
And with this DAP….I actually don’t know what’s going to happen in the long term or if I really am ready….
…but either way…I know that it has been a great experience time after time….good and bad alike…through my 29 years alive and I just want to embrace this upcoming change wholeheartedly and without reservations so that I know at the end of the day…my fear didn’t hold back my potential…that I wasn’t my own worst enemy again.
Day in and day out…I’ll continue to keep my eye on the ball because no one wants this more than I do. Not only for myself, but for my mother’s peace of mind.